This is a pointless fanfiction, but read anyway
by diamondlovesyaoi6697
Summary: As the title suggests, this fanfiction is indeed pointless. Read anyway because it's funny. America flies over to England's house, hoping to have hot smex... Read it peoples! :D  There is a bunch of stupidity involved! READ IT! It would make me very happy


**Pairing: UKxUS**

**Warnings: quick lemon, guyxguy, gay sex, bad grammar and spelling (because it's in America's POV-so keep reading!)  
>My goal was to add comedy to this. Was I successful or not? You tell me. :) This was written within a few hours...<br>****NOTE****: This is strictly for laughs. Do not take any of the things mentioned in this seriously! No offense to English people! I repeat: THIS IS STRICTLY FOR LAUGHS!  
>THIS IS AMERICA'S POV!<br>I do not own Hetalia or its characters… I wish I did though… .  
>Please <strong>**READ AND REVIEW!  
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><p>I felt awesome! There I was, struttin' down the terminal of the airport, getting ready to board Jet Blue. I saw people were staring at my ass as I walked. Yes, I know I'm sexy, guys. All the guys get wet when they see my luscious ass swaying from side to side every time I'm strolling down the street. These are facts, boys and girls. Oops, got side-tracked when I talked about my perfect ass. Anyway~, as I was saying-so there I was, on my way to England, boarding Jet Blue, because Jet Blue is awesome, guys. The plane ride was a bit too long for me, but watching Inception while getting drunk off of cheap wine made it all worthwhile.<p>

After the long plane ride, I finally arrived in England. I was going to England's house! England's gonna welcome me into his house and be all like, 'Oh America~ you're so awesome and hot. Wanna do it? :D' And I'll be like, 'Yeah bitch… Strip for me. Show me your sexy body, babe.' And England's gonna be all coy and flustered and he's gonna give me a lap dance. Then we're gonna get down and dirty 'till the break of dawn. Yeah, just imagining that made me hard. I'll have him suck me off like the whore he is when I get there. My hard dick went all soft when I saw a fat woman walking down the street though. Oh well… :\

Ugh… England is so boring and dull, guys. It always rains here! Does the sun ever shine here? Maybe the sun was like, 'I will not expose my necessary sun-rays to people with bad teeth and whose food tastes like shit! Rain, you handle the things here while I give America all my love… Imma make up for it later.' I'm pretty sure that's how it went, guys. What, you don't believe me? Obviously you people don't know science. Idiots. Oops, got side-tracked again. Ahem… yea, so England's a pretty gloomy place. To liven up the horrible place up a little, I started to dance as I walked down one of the avenues that led to England house.

"Party rockers in the house tonight~, everybody just have a good time. And we gon' make you lose your mind, everybody just have a good time~. Everyday I'm shufflin'" I began to sing in my perfect voice while I shuffled down the street. The damn English freaks just gave me the nasty eye. They looked at me like O_o. They just don't understand my super awesome dancing skills. Wait! Did my smart brain just calculate that you're doubting my dancing skills? :O I'm the United Fuckin' States of Fuckin' America. Of course I can dance! It just made sense, boys and girls. Like seriously, get a new brain if the one you have now short-circuited or something.

Where was I? Oh, right! With a sigh, I resumed to walking. I got hungry so I took out a bag of the McDonalds I smuggled in my suitcase before checking in at the airport. I didn't wanna die by eating England's shitty food. So what did I do? The smart America bought sixty hamburgers and forty fries before driving to the airport. If you don't wanna die by someone's cooking, bring your own food. A word to the wise is sufficient, boys and girls.

Oh, I never mentioned that England and I are dating, huh? Well we are. One day, after the World Conference was over, I dragged him in the bathroom (much to his reluctance because England's a bitch-a sexy one at that) and raped him. Yeah, it just set off from there. Apparently, that kinky ambassador likes it rough. Now back to me. So I was walking down the avenue. After downing about thirty hamburgers, I was standing outside the gate of England's house.

I looked to my left and saw a kid with fucked up teeth. Oh, excuse me, I wasn't supposed to say that, but I don't feel like backspacing (but the fucked up teeth part was still true). What I meant to say was that I saw a kid wearing a Barney T-shirt. I cringed. Come on, who the fuck doesn't know that Barney should be feared? Barney is a pedophile, but only goes after little boys and sexy guys like myself. He and the pedobear are best friends and they spend their time getting wet by watching videos of young boys dance. So remember, boys and girls, if you ever see Barney or someone in a Barney suit, just scream, run away and don't look back.

I opened the gate, walked through it, up the proceeding stairs and rang the doorbell. England opened the door, wearing a T-shirt with boxer shorts. He looked at me with a shocked expression like O_O when he saw me. What is he and idiot? Doesn't he know to expect the unexpected? Geez!

"A-America? What the hell are you doing here?"

"No questions! On ya knees and suck my cock, bitch!" I said in my awesome commanding voice.

"If you don't answer my question, then your cock certainly won't be getting sucked any time soon," England said, his acid green eyes piercing into my smexy ceruleans.

"You have huge eyebrows, England," I said, gazing at his unusually big eyebrows.

"Answer the damn question, America."

"Duh! I came to see you. I thought it was obvious… Hahaha… I said came," I said, chuckling at the pun I made.

"Ugh… You are so immature, you know that?" England said, rolling his eyes and smiling. England is English but doesn't have bad teeth. At all. In fact, they're perfectly aligned and are pearly white. I don't understand that. The only reason my awesome logic came up with was that he sold his soul to the devil in exchange for perfect teeth. Yup, that's it.

"At least I'm not known as the kinky ambassador," I replied, smirking at him as he blushed while making my way through the door.

"How did you get here anyway?" England asked, cocking one of his huge eyebrows.

"A fuckin' PLANE, England. Don't be an ass," I said, crossing my arms.

"No shit, America! I meant how you got to my house."

"I walked," I said shrugging as I placed my small suitcase in the corner of the room.

"Why didn't you just take a taxi?" England asked, walking into the kitchen.

"Because I feared that one of your people would use their bad teeth to peel the skin off of my arms, take my money, and then throw me on the side of the road," I replied, throwing myself down on the couch.

England glared harshly at me before opening the fridge, taking out a can of beer and throwing the beer to me.

"You know you love me," I said, walking over to where he was standing and planting a slow kiss on his lips.

"Of course I love you, my love."

"Let's not say cheesy things now," I said before taking a large gulp of the beer England gave me.

"Whatever. Do you want me to whip up a batch of scones, America?" England asked as he sat next to me.

"I'm not the type of person who gets a kick out of dying by horrible cooking. No offense babe, but your food is toxic," I said, getting up and walking to my suitcase.

"I'll let that slide THIS TIME, you piece of shit," England said, glaring at me. I only smiled.

"Ba da ba ba ba~ I'm lovin' it," I sang before taking out the rest of hamburgers that I left uneaten earlier.

"You brought that filthy bag of grease over here?"

"Yes, my lovely and obviously blind boyfriend." I replied, walking back to the couch.

I sat back down on the couch and began to devour the rest of hamburgers. Hear that, guys? I just used the word 'devour' in a sentence and I used it in the right sense! I'm totally smart, boys and girls. Anyway, I munched on the hamburgers slowly, savoring the delicious flavor. That was my 49th burger. I'm not greedy guys. I was storing up food in my stomach to last me until tomorrow. I'm not fat either! I have the body that girls want and the body that guys lust over. They get hard just by catching a glimpse of my smexy figure, boys and girls.

"How can you eat that?" England asked, eyes widened in shock. I was like :|

"Okay, England. Here's how it goes. You chew what's in your mouth a few times and swallow. Do you understand now?" I said, explaining the simple process of eating food to England.

"I know how to eat food, jackass! I meant how can you eat all that grease?"

It's times like these when I just ignore England. He just asks these stupid questions! So I just sat there, enjoying my burgers and singing the Family Guy theme song in my head. That show is hilarious man. That's some funny shit right there.

"Yo, England, we're gonna have sex later, right?" I asked, glancing at England while I finished the last of my hamburgers.

"What?"

"Me. You. In room. My dick. In your. Ass." I said, wiping my hands on one of the napkins I had handy. Hahaha I said handy. Get it? Like in, handjob? Man, I'm funny :D

"Yeah, sure. Whatever," England said as he got up and walked into the bathroom.

"What? No annoying resistance?" I asked with my face like O_O

"Nope. We haven't done it in a while," England replied with a shrug.

"We just did it three days ago."

"Shut up."

"Ohh~ So you can get enough of this smexy body, huh?" I smiled.

"Nope. I can't," England smiled.

"Then get your ass over here."

"You said later, America."

"Shit," I mumbled under my breath. But that's okay because this man was going to get some sweet England ass tonight! :D

"I'm going to the shop to buy groceries to put in here. Afterwards, I'll cook something," England said, grabbing the keys to his car.

"I don't want your shitty cooking," I said with my face like -_-

"It's for me, you asswipe!" England glowered.

"I'll be wiping your ass with my tongue later! Don't tempt me to pin you on the floor and do it now!" I said threateningly and my face like D:

"Just stay here until I get back and don't break anything," England said before walking through the door.

I waited until I heard England's car engine roar to life and left the driveway before getting up. I walked up to the window and looked through it, staring at the sky. It started raining again. The clouds are crying because they aren't moving across the sky fast enough, so they have no choice but to watch the boring and dull country of England. These are facts, boys and girls.

My mind started showing me images of England in lace lingerie. Don't look at the screen like you're not reading right. Yes, I said LACE LINGERIE. Now you imagine it. Yup, enjoying that? That's what you get for reading this fucked up story anyway. Ahem… now back to what I was saying before I was interrupted by my naughty thoughts. Oh, I wasn't saying anything, just looking at the sky. Hmm…

I opened the door and walked outside in the rain. I stood there before I began to dance.

"I'm singin' in the rain, just singin' in the rain. What a glorious feeling, I'm happy again. I'm laughing at clouds so dark up above. I'm singin', singin' in the rain~" I sang as I dougied while getting drenched by the water falling from the sky. After getting soaked through all layers of my clothes, I went back inside, got clean clothes out of my suitcase and took a bath. I won't elaborate on my bath you perverted freaks reading this fanfiction, what ever that means. I got that word from Japan. What does 'fanfiction' mean anyway? Ahh, it doesn't matter.

When I walked out of the bathroom, feeling all fresh and clean, England pulled up into the driveway. I sat back down on the couch as soon as England walked through the door.

"What did you do this whole time?"

"Looked at the depressing sky, imagined you in lace lingerie, sang and danced in the rain, then took a bath," My awesome self said.

"What was the second thing you said?"

"So, what did you buy at the store?" I asked, quickly changing the subject to prevent awkwardness.

"Ingredients for sandwiches, pound cake, and milk," England said, walking into the kitchen.

"Why?"

"I'm hungry and felt like making sandwiches, I want to eat dessert after dinner and I bought milk for cereal in the morning. Any more inquiries?"

"Nah"

"Hey England? Can we fuck while playing 'The Bad Touch' by the Bloodhound Gang on repeat?" I totally love that song you guys :D

"No!"

"You suck!" I said longing out my tongue and crossing my arms. Yes, the United Fuckin States of Fuckin' America can get bitchy when he wants to :P

"Whatever. I'll be making my food."

"Mhm," I said-wait,wait, should I say 'I said' or 'I mhm'd'? I didn't say anything so I can't say ' I said'. I just mhm'd. But if I say 'I mhm'd', that'll just sound stupid and not smart-like. You know what, boys and girls? Just omit that. Like act like you never read that. I don't feel like backspacing. Delete that from your memory, guys!

Ahem… So as England was busy making food to poison himself, I grabbed the remote for his TV and turned it on. I flipped through the channels with my face like :| I wanted to watch Family Guy, but it wasn't on. Awwww :(

Hey boys and girls, what if England had boobs? Could you imagine that? I CANNOT. I don't even like boobs. Why do guys get all hot and bothered over lumps of fat bursting from a girl's chest anyway? What if boobs really were a girl's heart? Like the heart broke in half, separated and was swollen and as years passed the swollen heart just exploded and the girl dies? Yeah, think about that. Don't worry; boobs are just fat like you thought before. I know the body's anatomy, guys.

I got bored and walked in the kitchen, being careful to avoid looking at England's food. It might poison me just by me looking at it or transform into a monster and destroy the world. Transformers, robots in disguise~. I'm sorry for the randomness, boys and girls. I opened the fridge and saw a tube of Cheez-It. I wonder if you can use that for lube. Can you? Hmmm… Imma try that another time.

"America, taste my sandwich, please?" England asked, clutching onto my arm to prevent me from running awa- I mean leaving the kitchen.

"But England~ Remember when your scones made the nepuras go retarded in Paint it White? I don't wanna be like them, so just spare me."

"THEY DID NOT GO RETARDED, AMERICA! They just didn't know good flavor."

"I saw one of them hitting their heads to the walls, another jumping out of the spaceship while screaming, another puking blood, and another having a seizure, but that wasn't exposed on camera," I said, my eyes fixing themselves on the sandwich he made. They looked good, but that's where they trick you, just like on Food Network. The food looks good, but you taste that shit and your brain short-circuits and starts smoking. Yes, boys and girls, prevent this from happening to you.

"Fine! I eat them by myself!"

"Please do, my beloved boyfriend, please do," I said, patting his shoulder.

I glanced over my shoulder as I left the kitchen and his face was like :( Aww guys, I made him sad. Well, it was kinda his fault for asking for the impossible right, BUT I MADE HIM SAD, GUYS! I'll go fix this glitch.

"England, I'll taste it," I said sighing, wondering if I was truly going to die by eating.

"Really?" His face turned from :( to :D. Yay! I fixed him. Wait… but I still had to taste it! Nuuuuuu~ D:

"Y-Y-Yeah, babes," I gulped.

I grabbed one of the small sandwiches and took a small bite. Did I die? No. Surprisingly, it didn't taste bad. Wait, maybe the bad taste is killing my brain cells and making me think that it tastes good. Yup, that's it. England possibly couldn't make something that tastes good. That'll bring 2012 early, guys! Or maybe the Apocalypse might happen. Maybe the magnetic field itself will get shocked and go insane, then hurl the Earth into the sun and kill us all. Seeing as though none of that happened, then the only logical explanation is that the flavor of the sandwich is so bad, that it killed my brain cells and made me think that it tastes good.

"How is it?" England asked, his eyes full of hope.

"It's good, England."

"Yay!"

"Do you want me to make more?"

"You don't have to do that," I said, laughing nervously.

"But you like it and-"

"I said no."

"Fine, fine, America."

England ate the rest of his sandwiches BY HIMSELF while I slid around the house in socks. If you haven't done that before, you should try it. It's really fun guys. You'll be all like 'WEEEEEEEEEEEE~ I'm sliding! Hey, hey, look at me! I'm sliding~' But then you eventually stop, and then you'll be like, 'Awwww'. It's still fun though! :D

"England can we have sex now?"

"Sure, I'm done eating."

"Yay!"

England walked into his room, went into his closet and took out a black, leather bag. He placed the bag on the bed, unlocked it and slowly opened it. I stood next to him with my face like O_o . The black bag was filled with assorted dildos-different colors and sizes, vibrators, cock rings, flavored lube, whips, handcuffs, chains and ball gags.

"Wow… You really are a kinky ambassador, England."

"Yeah, well…"

"Are we using them?" I asked, getting excited to try the vibrator on England.

"Only if you want to," England replied with a wink.

"I wanna. I wanna use them," I said, my face full of determination as I clenched my fists.

Then England smiled. Not smiled as in 'Hey! What's up?' smile, but kinda like a 'I'm gonna cut you open' kind of smile. You know what? That was confusing. Scratch that. Just omit that. Delete that from you memory, boys and girls! Now, as I was saying. It was more like a rape face. Like :D If you still don't get what kind of face I'm talking about, just go see France; he makes those faces a lot. Maybe England was smiling because he saw a special at Dairy Queens. Or maybe the smile was just my imagination. Hmmm…

Suddenly, I felt something hit the back of my head, and then BLACKOUT. Dun dun dun~ Not to worry, boys and girls, I didn't die. I opened my eyes, only to find my movements restricted. I know, guys. Total WTF moment, am I right? Anyway, as my vision cleared, I looked around and noticed that I was on England's bed. What the fuck? How did I get here? Why can't I move or feel my arms? Do I have paralysis? Nah, that only happens to unlucky people. My luck is like at one billion percent guys. Yeah.

I looked up and saw that my hands were above my head and handcuffed to the headboard. My face went from :S to O_O . No way, England couldn't. It was like impossible, dude. England handcuffed me to a bed? Psh. Yeah, like that'll hap-I'm scared guys! I looked at my body and-Holy fuck, I was wearing a maid's outfit. Me, the United Fuckin' States of Fuckin' America, in a maid's outfit and handcuffed to a headboard? This was just a double dosage of mind fuckery. Suddenly, England appeared through the door.

"What the fuck is all of this, you bastard?" I asked, pissed. Who wouldn't be pissed if they were in my situation?

"I believe it was you who said you wanted to have sex AND use what was in the bag."

"This maid's outfit wasn't in the bag!"

"It was in one of the side pockets."

"England, uncuff me," I said menacingly-what does menacingly mean again? Oh well, already typed it.

"I'm afraid I can't do that, America," He said, walking all predator-like to my helpless form.

"I'm known as the kinky ambassador, am I not?" He asked, cocking a brow.

"Y-yeah," I gulped.

"I'm only living up to my name, love," He said, running his fingertips along the hem of the outfit I was wearing.

"I only top England."

"I can top too, America."

"Nah, you can't top me, dude," C'mon, guys. I was just impossible.

"I'm THE British Empire and you don't think I can top someone I RAISED?"

"You bastard!"

"Yeah, and this bastard's gonna fuck your brains out real soon," He said, chuckling darkly. Now my dick was standing at a 45 degree angle. Damn you England and your sexy words! :O

"But what are you gonna d-"

"Don't say anything, pet!"

"Did you just interrupt me? Did you? That's rude, England! Who the hell taught you manners?" D:

"My mumsey."

"What did I tell you about that word? Just stop, okay?"

"Okay..." :(

"Okay." God, I hate that word. Mumsey… What the fuckin' hell is that? Don't do it, England, do NOT do it. :O

"Now, as I was saying before I was rudely interrupted by SOMEONE in this room, what are you gonna do to me?"

"Like I said, I'm gonna fuck your brains out. I'm gonna fuck you until you scream my name, America. Oh~ someone's excited…" He said, his gaze set on my fully erected dick. This was just a normal physical reaction, boys and girls. Don't think that I get off on this kind of stuff… cause I don't… :|

"England, uncuff me befo-"

SLAP!

Did England just slap me? England just bitch slapped me, boys and girls. Total mind fuckery, am I right?

"Be quiet, pet," England said, his eyes glinting mischievously. That slap made my dick stiffen even more. Oh noes! Does that mean that I'm a masochist? "…Sticks and stones may break my bones, but England's slaps excite me~ Na na na, come on~" Naah, FAIL. :|

England licked his lips, almost like a vampire going to suck out his victim's blood. Oh noes! :O

"England's a vampire! Uwaaaahh!" I screamed, thrashing against the bed.

"Huh?"

"You're a vampire! Don't suck my blood! If you do that, I'm gon' die! Nuuuuuu! I don't wanna die!"

"Shut up! You're a vampire, and I don't know you! So that means you're a stranger! England taught me to never talk to strangers!"

"You asshole!"

"Eeeehhhh? How can you call me an ass when you just met me MR. VAMPIRE? Go learn some manners!"

"I'm not a vampire, America! I'm England!"

"Oh, okay," I suddenly stopped thrashing. That was too close, man. I thought I was gonna die! Seriously, boys and girls? You and your boyfriend or girlfriend are gonna do the N-A-S-T-Y (winkwink-nudgenudge) and you find out that he or she's a vampire that's gonna suck your blood and kill you? Totally not cool, guys - that's not awesome at all.

"Now, where were we?" England asked, his acid green eyes piercing into mine. The look he had on his face was totally smexy guys.

I tore my gaze away from his to really look at what I was wearing. Oh, frills were on the outfit. Hmm… not a bad design. Was I wearing garter belts? Mmm… that's totally smexy. Am I right, guys? I was also wearing black knee-high socks. The maids outfit itself was short. I like how the black knee-highs complemented my awesome complexion. Just use your imagination to help you to envision the appearance of the maid outfit because I don't feel like describing it. The main thing to remember though is that I looked super hot, boys and girls.

Okay guys, so there I was on England's bed in a smexy maid's outfit, handcuffed to a bed and sporting a raging boner. Hello, England? I need release, y'know. :|

"Can I please top y-"

"I said no."

England walked over to me and placed his lips on mines. I parted my lips to allow him entrance when I felt his warm, pink tongue glide along them. Are you getting this, boys and girls? Okay. He eagerly took advantage and stuck his tongue in my mouth, running it along the roof of my mouth before clashing his with mines. Our tongue danced together (Ohh~ Personification! Score one for America! Woot!) and fought for dominance. Of course it was I who dominated the k-Okay I lied. I can't lie to you guys. It's written in that book about God. That was just a mistake, Uncle America, the awesome storyteller, made. Ignore that. Ahem.

England dominated the kiss, twisting out tongues together violently. As we made out - Oh no… That sounds like something a teenager would say. I'm a man! So I'll use something smart! Yeah. Ahem.

As our flushed lips locked in a passionate kiss, England climbed onto the bed, his form hovering over mines. He used on of his hands to run down the pale skin of my neck, massaging the sensitive spot below my ears. My moan was muffled by his mouth. Now, boys and girls, don't think that I'm all like 'OMG, I'm so horny and wet right now! Fapfapfapfapfap' because I'm not :| . I am subtly enjoying this. I only top, but this is the only exception.

"Oh~ You're sensitive there, huh?" England said as he pulled his lips from mine, smiling wickedly. He moved his lips to my neck, trailing his tongue along it and paying special attention to that particular spot below my ear. Shudders crept up my spine as I arched my back into the touch, moaning quietly. My boner was starting to get painful now. My dick was all like, ' If you don't make the white stuff shoot out of me, I'll leave you. I'll just cut myself off of you and go-go somewhere far, far way. And then you'll be dickless, America, DICKLESS. These things happen, boys and girls, these things just happen.

He sucked harder on my neck, leaving hickeys on every spot he paid attention to. I'll just use some powder from Poland's make-up kit to cover all of that up. He moved his hand down my thighs and I shuddered at the ticklish feeling. I'm not ticklish, you guys – Okay I am. Just omit that lie and God'll omit it, too. Anyway, only England's supposed to know I'm ticklish, but I don't feel like backspacing, so you know too. :P

Back to the main story. His hands crept between my thighs, his fingers ghosting over my shaft. Finally, some damn contact! Geez! D:

"Did you notice that you had this on?" England asked as he lifted up the front of the outfit, revealing that I was wearing crotchless panties. Mmm… so smexy – I-I-I mean degrading! Yeah, that's what I meant. Ahem. But the crotchless panties weren't the good – I-I mean BAD part. I was wearing a fuckin' cock ring! That's why I felt constriction around my boner.

"England, 'the fuck is this?' I asked calmly.

"It's a cock ring, love. See? I even got it with lace to match your outfit," he said, smirking. Yes, the cock ring was wrapped in WHITE LACE. Where did he even get all this stuff from? O_O It's best that I don't know. My radar's picking up that a certain FRENCHIE helped England get this stuff. Naah, no way~ O_o . I'm not even convincing myself. I'll just delete that from my memory. DELETE! There, good as new. :)

Anyway, so I was all like :O when I saw the cock ring. The lace was nice though.

England wrapped his fingers around my dick and began to stroke me slowly. I bit my bottom lips to prevent any noises from slipping out.

"You wanted me to suck you off, right?" England asked as his eyes gazed into mines expectantly. I only nodded, biting my lip harder as his hands stroked my faster.

"You're such a slut, America," England said as he chuckled darkly, digging his thumb harshly into the slit of my cock.

"Aaahhh~" Crap! That wasn't supposed to come out. Ugh… I sounded so… needy. :P

"S-shit," I said as I bit my lips once more in the feeble attempt to muffle my moans.

"Let me hear you, America," England said, his voice dripping with sex.

England raised the fabric of the outfit over my chest and ran his tongue along my pale stomach. I shuddered at the contact. To be honest, I was enjoying this whole scenario. Being dominated once in a while felt nice. B-but don't think I get off on this kind of stuff! I don't! Must I keep reminding you people? O:

Anyway, England ran his hands along my smexy man-curves. Yes, boys and girls, men have man-curves. They're not as curvy as female curves but they're there. Yup. Now, where was I? Oh, right! His tongue ran up my chiseled abs and I arched my back into the touch, my breaths ragged. Let's face it. That would feel good to almost anyone, so don't judge me.

He raised the dress high enough so that my nipples were exposed. Sometimes when I'm bored at home, I strip, pinch my nippy nips (Yes, that's my nickname for nipples, guys. Don't be hatin') and dance in front of the mirror singing 'Hips Don't Lie' by Shakira. If you don't appreciate your sexiness, who will? Ahem. I got side-tracked, AGAIN. I'll remember where I was eventually…. …. …. …. …. …. …. …. …. …. …. …. …. OHH~ right!

He ran his tongue over one of my nipple and used one of his hands to pinch the other one. England sucked on my nipple, twirling my hardened bud in his mouth and biting harshly.

"Haa~ F-fuck," I moaned.

He went on to my other nipple and did the same thing. I dick was dripping with precum now. As he was sucking on my other nipple, he used his free hand to pump my erection, his hand gripping my shaft tightly. I couldn't hold back my moaning anymore. It was futile, guys. Like, seriously.

England suddenly stopped both actions and look into my cerulean eyes. His acid eyes were full of lust and my dick twitched from the need for release.

England pushed himself back towards the foot of the bed before my erection was in the front of his face. He wasted no time – he placed his lips on my head and moved his head down quickly, engulfing me in his perfect mouth. Holy shit, guys. That was one hell of a mouth England had. It made you feel like… like… *-*

He pulled his head back and went back down again, deepthroating me. The head of my dick rubbed against the back of England's throat as he took me deeper into his mouth. He began to suck me off fast and hard, hollowing his cheeks and swallowing every drop of precum that dripped from my slit. His tongue ran along the underside of my dick, swirling upwards until he reached my head. I was already so close, guys. I just wanted to shoot my load and shout out 'IMA FIRIN' MA LAZER'. But I wouldn't be firing lasers; I'd be firing….cum…. That's both funny and disturbing, but more disturbing than funny. I'll just omit what I just said from MY memory now. :|

England used one of his free hands to fondle my balls as he sucked me off. He cupped and squeezed them as his tongue ran over my head and into my slit. I couldn't hold it in any longer.

"Haa~ I-I'm g-gonna aaa~ cum," I said, moaning and panting harshly. Pleasure coiled in my stomach, spreading throughout my whole body as England's mouth did wonderful things to me. England hummed around my cock, the vibrations sending me over the edge.

…

I COULDN'T CUM! Oh right… Cock ring, DUH!

"E-England~" I whined. England stopped sucking and looked at me. My dick started to get painful because of the pressure.

"Tell me what you want, America," He said, smiling as he used one of his hands to stroke me quickly.

"Haa~ E-England, p-please~"

"Please what?" He asked innocently as his thumb dug harshly into my slit, again.

"Haaa~ P-please let m-me c-cum England," I whined, my pride long gone, being replaced with need. But, boys and girls, don't think that I won't get that bastard back for all of this. England grinned and removed the cock ring. I came immediately, my essence splashing onto my face and the maid's outfit. But I didn't care; I was feeling too awesome at the moment. Each squirt of cum was pure bliss. Mmm… that really felt good…

England licked the bit of cum from his fingertips and grabbed the cherry flavored lube that he had on the draw beside us. Huh, never noticed that. Please ignore my lack of depth perception and obliviousness, guys.

England had my legs spread wide and he began to take off the crotchless panties. He placed his lips on mine and we kissed heatedly. I stuck my tongue into HIS mouth this time, guys. Yup. Anyway, we totally tongue-fucked each other. Is that a word? Hmmm… Tongue-fucked…. Don't know, don't care. As long as you know what I mean, boys and girls. If you don't, then that's your problem. :P Ahem.

As we kissed, our tongues made heated contact as we explored each other's mouths. My dick was erect again. Well, I guess that was really turning me on then? I recovered that fast… wow… I'm kinky, then. That's news to me. I'll keep that in mind, like waaaaaaaaay at the back of my mind. I'll still be topping from now on though. This was just an EXCEPTION, boys and girls. Yes, yes it was.

As we parted for air we very much needed, he squeezed a generous amount of lube onto his fingers. He took his slick fingers and pushed it inside of my ass. He pushed it, guys. He wasn't being gentle enough to slide it in slowly. He PUSHED it. Just for that, the inside of my ass should lead to another dimension, like space or something, and then his finger would disappear. Yup. I predict that to be in the future, probably 3010. In 3010, people's assholes would lead to another dimension; so beware, boys and girls. This is gonna happen because I said so, and what I say comes true. Mhm. Be lucky I warned you…

He thrusted his finger in and out of me rapidly, pressing against my inner walls. He added a second finger and moved them in a scissoring motion. I was moaning and pressing back against his fingers, sucking them up eagerly. He added a third finger and thrusted them in and out of me rapidly.

"Haaa~ Hnnngggnnn~ E-England," I moaned out as his offending fingers continued to stretch me quickly but thoroughly.

"Nnn-Aaaaahhhhnnn!" I moaned as his fingers brushed against my prostate, my vision unfocused as the raw pleasure coursed through my body. I trembled as I was lost in pleasure, only wanting more of England.

"E-England, haa~ e-enough. U-uncuff m-me."

"Will you be a good boy and do as I say?" England asked, smiling slightly.

"Y-yes."

England chuckled and uncuffed me. My sore arms fell limply to my side as I tried to regain my steady breathing. He kept fingering me, but I moved his hands out of me. He looked at me, confused, saw my lust-filled facial expression and then understood. Can you blame me, boys and girls? Too much pleasure makes you lose your common sense and way of thinking. These are facts, guys.

He took off his T-shirt and removed his shorts. England's dick was all like SPROING~ when he whipped that bad boy out. Hahaha that was funny. England wasn't bad in length at all. England may be 8 inches, but I'm much longer! I'm 8.2 inches! :D What? You idiots don't even know math? Jeez! Don't quit your day job, guys. Seriously. Anyway, I was clearly much bigger than England. We all know that everything's big in America! W-w-wait! Don't take that the wrong way guys! Oh crap! I made it sound like I'm a whore that's always getting fucked by guys with big dicks! D: That's not true, guys! You know what? OMIT IT ALL! Just forget that you ever read any of that. DELETE YOUR MEMORY!

England squeezed some more lube in his hands and quickly spread it over his dick. After lubing himself up, England sat next to me on the bed and pulled my hips over his dick.

"Ride me, America," He said, sucking at my neck lightly.

I nodded and pushed myself down on his length.

"Aaaaaahhhh!" I cried out as my ass was stretched open by England's cock.

When he was fully sheathed inside, I quickly recollected myself and began to ride him roughly. He clenched my muscles every time I went down to give England more pleasure.

"Yeah. Ride my cock like the whore you are~" England said. Alright, that was a tad bit awkward.

"Haa~ aaahh~ nggh~ haa~ aahhh" My wanton cries filled the room along with the wet sound of England's lubricated dick sliding out of me. Damn, I sounded like a needy whore, but I feeling some awesome pleasure, so I didn't really care.

"Bark for me, bitch!" Umm… WTF? BARK?

"DO IT!" England shouted, panting as I continued to ride him. BTW, the riding felt awesomely great. I just felt like saying that.

"Woof, haa~ woof" :S

"Wow… you actually did that?" England asked, genuinely shocked.

"Ahh~ s-shut u-up!"

England's dick was hitting my prostate with every time I dipped down on his member, causing me to moan loudly and shivers to crawl up my spine. England gripped by neglected erection and stroked it in time with my riding. Intense pleasure coursed throughout my body, coiling in my stomach, as I rode him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and connected our lips. We kissed for a while, our moans muffled by each other's lips.

"Tell me how much you love my cock," He whispered against my neck as we pulled apart for air.

"Ahh~ I Haa~ l-love to suck your juicy cock, England. Haa! Ngghh. I love the f-feeling of haaa~ your huge, hot cock thrusting in and out of m-me. Haa~ I-I love t-the f-feeling of y-your slamming i-inside me~ I'm g-gonna haa~ c-cum England!"

"Hnn~ Nghh~ Me… too… America."

We both came in unison. England's essence filled my up even more, draining out of my ass and down my thighs. I collapsed on top of England, breathing heavily, as fatigue crashed over me.

"I'll get you back for this, bastard," I said, smiling as England glared at me.

"I'll be looking forward to it," He said, smiling back at me.

"Pervert," I said as I playfully punched his arm.

AND THEN WE WENT TO SLEEP!  
>THE END :)<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Diamond: Do you think it was funny, guys?<br>England: Somewhat…  
>America: Yeah! But I'm still pissed at you for letting England top! D:<br>Diamond: Y'know, I can easily kill you? All I have to do is type… :)  
>America: *screams, cries, and runs to England* England! She said that she can kill me! D:<br>England: Aww… Do you want me to make some scones to make you feel better?  
>America: O_O *runs back to Diamond and clutches her arm* Please kill me…<br>*France enters the scene*  
>France: Ohononononon~ Now I can sell zese pictures of America and England on deviantart!<br>America: O_O You bastard! Give those back!  
>France: No way, mon ami~ :)<br>America: How the hell did you get those anyway? D:  
>England: It was an exchange for those sex toys and lube I got from France for us to use. :I<br>Diamond and France: *nods* Mhm…  
>France: I also got a video of you moaning like a needy, wanton whore while riding England. Ohonon~ Zhis'll sell big time on yaoi hentai sites!<br>America: Nuuuuuu~  
>France: *laughs and runs away*<br>America: Give those to me, you bastard! *runs after France*  
>England and Diamond: -.- Please review guys…<br>**


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